Excuse me sir but your ass is in my face...again!

Yesterday was one of those days where everything just went wrong.

1. I couldn't figure out how to make the shower work. Why are there so many knobs in Europe? Do there really need to be that many choices? Hot and cold...on or off. Simple.

2. Then I got stuck on the third floor of my hotel. See you need a key card to run the elevator and I couldn't use the elevator or get back into my room because I didn't have a key card. So I walked up and down the hallways too scared to use the fire exit because I thought it would set off the alarms. This is not always the case, sometimes they post those signs to throw you off...really it's true. I finally remembered (no need to know how long I was actually up there...it's not important) I had the hotel number and called. They sent someone right up. So he helped me get my stuff into the elevator and hit the BIG GREEN BUTTON. Is that all I had to do hot British bell boy? "Yes ma'm." I didn't need a key card? "No ma'm you didn't". Did you just call me ma'm? Great now I look old (note to self do a mud mask) and stupid. But all I could do was laugh. I was so preoccupied with being annoyed I didn't even notice the BIG GREEN BUTTON. You only need to key card to get to each floor, not to go down to the lobby. Smart.

3. The person at the front desk messed up my bill which took about 30 minutes to fix. He didn't want to fix it as he proceeded to say, "this will be quite a long manual process to clear up. Would you like me to leave it the way it is"? If I wanted you to leave it the way it was, I wouldn't have asked you to fix it.

4. The taxi driver dropped me off at the wrong terminal but was nice enough to at least put my luggage on a cart. By the way I would suggest a short lesson on using these things. Always have the handle down, it is actually dangerous when you are walking fast and let go of the handle, "oops...sorry." Did I mention that my bags kept falling off the cart? Over and over and over...more fun in London!

5. So I schlepped my suitcases here there and everywhere and made it to my gate just in time. Apparently I look dangerous and had to be searched by the securiy person. Fine look in my bags. Ok, I will take off my shoes and coat. Hey wait-I don't think you need to search me there! I guess I shouldn't complain - action and in public! How racy of me! How you doin....

6. Finally I made it to my seat . I can relax now. Soon I will be in the air, I can nap, then maybe do a bit of work...I can breath easy. But wait! What is that I see coming towards my face, oh right it is the big ass of the guy sitting in the next seat. Ummm hello - that was my face sir. No need to apologize...right you didn't. This proceeded to happen through the whole flight. How can you not feel bumping somone over and over?! A few times he was completely bent over in my face backing up to arrage his ugly shoes underneath his seat and hit me in the side of the head. Finally, around the seventh (yes I counted) time this happened he realized what was going on. "Oh..sorry", he said. So I thought ell at least now he is aware, but I spoke to soon. Look out!

I was completely and thoroughly annoyed. Explain to me why it is that men think that just because you can't hear it when they release gas on an airplane it means it is ok?! We can still smell it disgusto.

The plane finally landed and I was home free. As I began my descent off the plane the nice British flight attendant said (brace yourselves folks), "Cheerio miss". I could have kissed him. Cheerio...did you just say that? I have been waiting all bloody (my new British word) week for someone to say that to me. And did you just call me Miss?

And that my friends changed my whole day.