..rubbish, rubbish I say!

I think that Holland should implement a walkers’ education course. There are many rules to follow when walking on the streets of Amsterdam and trying to figure them all out yourself can lead to confusion and ultimately could put you in physical danger. After a month of walking everywhere I have to get to in Amsterdam, I have finally figured out that:

· There is a road where cars can drive but bicycles and vespas can too.

· There are the tram tracks for the trams but you will often find cars, bicycles, and vespas using this as a means to get to where they need to go.

· There is a biking lane for bicycles and vespas.

· And then there is the sidewalk, which I assumed was for pedestrians. But as I have grimly determined pedestrians actually don’t have the right-of-way anywhere.

If you are in the biking lane you are often met with a bell ringing out of control and someone yelling and swearing (in Dutch but I think I might have heard an f-bomb in there) at you for being in the biking line. Biking lanes are not always clearly marked. This I figured out after several near death experiences. I just thought everyone had “bike rage” and that there were really wide sidewalks.

I have begun to use these said “sidewalks”. You see there are so many bicycles that need to be parked that there is not enough room to actually walk on the sidewalk. If by chance you find a stretch of open sidewalk, you are of course risking your life as you don’t know what kind of vehicle will need to use your space to get to where it needs to be. Note: For future reference - If you do encounter a vehicle of some sort on the sidewalk, please don’t expect that this vehicle will take into consideration that you are there or that it will slow down.

For example, if you are walking on the right side of the sidewalk (aka - the pedestrian lane) if a biker is coming your way they don’t slow down or maneuver around you - they continue to pedal at the same speed towards you. The other day I went to cross the street and a biker had her baby (and by baby I mean 6 months old or so) in a basket on the front of her handlebars and was pedaling at a high-speed. I gasped as I had a vision of what a collision would have been like. She just seemed to accelerate. I felt as though she was taunting me - silently daring me to step into the street to cross.

I am outraged at the complete disregard for pedestrians and as I throw my fist into the air I exclaim in my new British Flare (with a Greek twist), “...rubbish, rubbish I say!”

Have you ever noticed that the British always sound so refined, dignified and controlled? I have decided that I want to gain this sort of control. I have been known to once in a while to let my “passion” get the best of me. But I watch and listen in admiration to the dignified control and have decided to adopt it. I imagine that when I master this it will be “quite lovely”. It will also allow me to use new neat words such as “bugger”. When someone communicates something to me that I may not like I will respond in a controlled monotone fashion, “well, that’s a bugger now isn’t it”. Or if someone gives me something horrible to eat, I will smile politely and say “Well, this is interesting now isn’t”.

But I digress. I say to the bikers, or should I say "road warriors", as you easily pedal in your high-healed sneakers (by the way this is not a good look) lightheartedly talking on your mobile. I will stand as it is my right and I will not be bullied or scared off the road. Go ahead obsessively ring your little bell.

I wonder if they take Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield here.