So they are not pulling a dead body out of the canal?

Prior to moving to Amsterdam I took a trip over the pond to look for a place to live. I had several email exchanges with the broker that was helping me find a place. He asked for me to be specific about what I was looking for. As directed, in one of my emails I listed the following:

1. Must be walking distance from public transportation – I will not have a car.
2. Must be modern, clean, and safe.
3. Would like it if it faced a canal (but not a must).
4. Would like it to be in Amsterdam.
5. Finally, must be available as of January 1st.

On a brisk sunny day in November, off I went to meet the broker at 12:00pm SHARP as he said in his email at a place called RAI station. When he finally picked me up at 12:15 (I should have known that is what he meant by 12:00pm sharp) we set off in his smart car to look at potential places for habitation.

I looked at two really amazing places first. They were nice and new, clean and modern. “Are these walking distance from public transportation”, I asked. “No you need a car”, he replied. “Um..oh, but as I said in my email I won’t have a car”. “You won’t, huh that would be a problem I guess”, he replied. “Are we in Amsterdam”, I asked? “No, I didn’t realize you wanted to live in the city, but don’t worry we are looking at several apartments and a couple are in the city”.

“Great, glad you are paying attention”.

The sixth flat I looked at was in fact in the city. But getting there was an experience. Looking for parking in the city is nearly impossible and I realized there were no driving rules.
1. Backing up in the middle of a street with on coming traffic because you turned down that street by mistake – acceptable.
2. Doing a complete U-turn in the middle of a street with on coming traffic – acceptable.
3. Driving over sidewalks to get where you need to go – also completely acceptable.

I was also able to figure out that there are three kinds of vehicles on the streets of Amsterdam.
1. Cars – which are the biggest vehicles on the road but don’t actually own the road.
2. Vespas – which move quickly and efficiently anywhere they would like to go and have great big weather protecting shields.
3. Bicycles – these are the vehicles that actually own the road.

When we finally made it to a parking space (I was car sick) we got out to walk and it was amazing. The apartment was surrounded by the most amazing buildings and it looked as though it was walking distance to public transportation as well as many other things, and you guessed - a canal!

I was basking in all my glee when I noticed police and what looked to be city employees. As we came upon this activity someone looked at me and said “We are pulling a dead body out of the canal”. WHAT?! At this point the broker was telling me to just keep walking. I stopped and said….”so they are not pulling a dead body out of the canal”? As he pushed me to get me to keep walking he replied “no, they are, but don’t worry. They only kill criminals here not common people”.

wat zei je?

I explained to the broker as he really wasn't grasping what I was saying, that there was nothing common about me and there was no way I was going to live here.

“I assure you it is safe. I am sure that guy was drunk and fell in the canal trying to go to the bathroom,” he said, as he continued to push me. I looked at the apartment in protest. It had the most amazing concrete countertops, but again there was no way I was living there!

Off we went to the final apartment. I was so disappointed. A whole day wasted and still no place to live. As I wallowed, I thought, this guy officially sucked.

And there is was - old architecture. My spirits begin to lift. We enter the building and he said “it’s upstairs”, so I followed.
one flight
two flights
three flights
….this guy is killing me.

As I walked up the fourth flight of the narrow and steep stairs (completely winded), I think there is no way I can live here either. When we arrived at the top, the annoying broker tried to open the door of the wrong apartment and the owner came to the door. Then he couldn’t open the door of the correct apartment. I felt like ripping the keys out of his hand and throwing them at him and yelling, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME"?

Finally, he managed to get the door open and the angels sang. Windows everywhere, bright and clean. AND…. brace yourselves - an amazing view of Amsteldijk Canal. There was even a room that was actually a closet (I was already arranging my shoes).

“I’LL TAKE IT, I exclaim! I will move in on January 3rd “.

“Wait what did you say? This apartment is available December 1st; I don’t know that the owner will hold it till January”, he replied.

And just like that. A quick plummet to disappointment.

But - it worked out (with a bit of negotiating of course). Check out the pictures below of my new place.

The View


The Flat

Yes, I said a table for one!

I found this little Italian restaurant that I was hoping would be great (it was) around the corner from my new flat. When I walked in not one person could be bothered to help me. When this older gentleman finally walked over he said, “Table for two?” and I responded, “No just one thank you”. “Not for two”, he responded. To which I replied, “No just one thank you”. He looked at me sympathetically and then spoke in his native tongue to the waitress about where exactly they were going to put me. This seemed to really perplex them. I mean all the tables where set for two. Where would they possibly seat me at all those (I counted 7) empty tables for two?

Then they seemed to be going back and forth about who was going to wait on me. I chose a table and made myself at home - didn’t win me any points - they made me move.

Fifteen minutes later when the waitress finally graced me with her presence I asked, “Do you speak English”?
W: “No”.
F: “Ok, do you have any specialties”?
W: “No, it is all good. You want fish”?
F: “No, not really".
W: “Let me show you we have a great fish plate, spicy but tasty”!
F: “Something without fish”?
W: “No, sorry I don’t know”.
F: “Ok, great I will have the Gnocchi”.

And…..I never saw the young girl with dirty hair again. All the other customers however did. She buzzed around laughing and getting customers their wine, but they were all at tables for two. By the way, she did speak English. I witnessed this as she spoke to and waited on other customers. They of course were at tables that were set for and filled by two. I still wonder. Did she understand the American saying on her t-shirt? “Have it your way.” Clearly that did not translate into my experience. Or maybe it did? She was having it her way.

When my meal was ready it just remained on the counter then back in the kitchen and then on the counter and then back in the kitchen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I will just get it myself.

As I sit here sipping my Mai Tai a couple of days later at this great Thai food restaurant also around the corner from my new flat, I thought about my table for one experience and the older man who kept staring at me sympathetically (but couldn’t be bothered to bring me my meal) and at one point even said “Such a nice girl” (apply EU accent) as he shook his head. I had to wonder, what is wrong with everyone? I was completely content enjoying my meal (I love fresh basil). Why do I spend so much time convincing people (especially my mother) about how I love my life and experiencing new things? Why does my mother say she will not be able to rest in her grave as she clutches her chest? By the way my mother is healthy (even though once a year she claims she almost died from an illness or disease that no one can diagnose) and only 50.

As I ponder the inner workings of the mind, I can only think of a quote out of a book that my friend gave me.

“…even God is single, get over it”.

Here is what else I have experienced while in Amsterdam.

1. The Dutch know a thing or two about how to make a functional grocery basket. They have wheels and a handle. This makes things much easier unlike the baskets in the US. I never just pick up one or two things and I end up barely making it to the counter with my overflowing basket that is hurting my arm! This allows for a much more pleasant experience….must have done some usability testing prior to launch.

2. Traditional Chinese Massage Centers are not AT ALL like massage centers in the states.

3. Infomercials run all day on Sunday, over and over and over. I’ve decided I absolutely do need a “Halogen Oven”. It works better than a microwave because your food does not come out soggy and faster than an oven because of the vortex! What you want – how and when you want it!

4. Europeans like to take coffee breaks in the middle of 1 hour meetings and for some reason I have developed a twitch.

A special note to the IDEXX Digital Development Team - IDEXX-PACS 3.0.48 is now officially living in Amsterdam!